Certain things are most suited for the night. Not the things that probably come to mind, but the things that shake the very core of your being, like grand epiphanies and discoveries... undecipherable in that moment, but undoubtedly undisputed. The beginnings of these events, be it day, night or otherwise are decidedly lovely and enchanting on most occasions, however this never serves as an indicator for what is to come. The cloak of the night serves to enhance, electrify and enchant, clouding judgement and swaying the morals of an otherwise strong individual. In some instances... most instances, that is a positive facet of the occurrence Yet...not this morning. This morning, a short-lived but eye-opening and invigorating part of my life meets it's demise. I can't help but want to cry, scream and hurt, not because of the carnality of what has transpired and what I'm relinquishing (though that is a relevant factor), but because of what I believe could have been.The pleasure that could have been derived from the company of each other, physically, mentally and in all other capacities.The relief. The answer. I don't know whether or not my excitement bested me tonight, or if my perception or analysis of my reactions to certain actions and individuals was real, but I don't quite think I'm ready for what I believe I did manage to grasp hold of. I can't fathom a world in which I would be at this point in time. For such a powerful emotion to come from not one, but two amazing and intellectual forces at once would likely overwhelm me, because although I believe I am capable and suited for any task, emotions cannot be categorized and dealt with like tasks can. Perhaps in a couple of years, I'll look back and laugh at my naivety. Perhaps, I'll look back with jaded negativity and wish I had not done what I have. But that is not this moment. Now I mourn, for the cruelty which I have imparted (unlike any I've ever thought myself capable of), the dreams which I have broken, and the person I'll never know in every capacity.
I wish I could be held.
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